Johnny Manziel got himself a win. This is how low it’s gotten for him – a huge win for this dude, is the fact that he showed up at Mike Evans wedding and didn’t embarrass himself.
Didn’t wear a mustache. Didn’t dive on a swan. Didn’t show up in a pic with a rolled up dollar bill tooting straw. And best of all, didn’t hit anyone.
That’s the biggest upset in the NFL this year. Never mind the Super Bowl. The fact that Manziel hit a celebrity wedding and didn’t get carried out by his friends or dragged out by cops is his biggest win since A&M.
Evans even revealed that Manziel nailed his speech at the wedding too. Another upset. Because really, there’s a long list of “Don’ts” you can commit to ruin a best man speech, and Manziel is capable of all of them. Don’t hit the open bar too hard before speech time. Johnny’s whole life is an open bar. Don’t make any reference to the bachelor party. Johnny’s whole life is a bachelor party! Don’t talk about the groom’s exes, don’t talk about yourself, don’t make jokes about “the wedding suite” and don’t talk for 20 minutes. It’s not even a “speech”. It’s a “toast.”
And all anyone wants is for you to shut up and finish, so they can gut out the atrocious maid of honor toast and get back to the bar. The guy who throws an elbow to catch the garter belt is embarrassed by an obnoxious best man, apparently Manziel stuck the landing.
He does all the Dont’s of being an NFL player, but avoided them all at the wedding. If only he could have given one speech to this Browns teammates even half as effective, maybe they’d rally around him and he’d still be there. Unfortunately most of his speeches over the past 6 months have been to the cops, explaining where he’s been and what he’s done.
But big ups Billy. Nailing this wedding was John’s biggest win of his career. Disaster as a team’s leading man, clutch as hell as his bro’s best man.
